Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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