your parents love me but you hate me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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