Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
