i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this will be a night to untag.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
