ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
