Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
