apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
