haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
