Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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