I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
