Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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