dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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