does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
