There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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