my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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