Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
