When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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