No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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