I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
