Already got asked if we're dating
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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