Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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