I wish I could punch you in the face.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
