What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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