I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
