Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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