I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
