guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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