I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
