I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
