Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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