bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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