I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
