At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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