WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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