i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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