Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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