Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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