There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
