If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
