Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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