fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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