nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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