I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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