my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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