mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
