I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
