best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
