god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
