I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
