I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
